Please Save Me From Myself
by Death by Sakura
Summary: Hitomi has returned home. She's severely depressed and has become a drug addict. The only people who can save her from herself are Van and a certain cat-girl. Angst, angst, and naked Van in the tub.


"Please Save Me From Myself"   
by Jenna Allen 

Rating: R 

Notes: This, like many of my fics, is very angsty and depressing. It includes drug use, clinical depression and some slight shoujo-ai (female/female relationship; non-explicit). There is only a tiny bit o' humor. Speaking of, I'm thinking of doing an Esca fic featuring the cast playing the game, "I've Never..." >:P ::Van, Dilandau and Folken cringe at the thought of such a fic:: 

Disclaimer: ::insert some standard disclaimer about how Jenna doesn't own Escaflowne, etc...:: 

Chapter 1: Sometimes, I Wonder How You Are Doing, My Friend 

"Look. It's her." 

"Oh, that girl? Isn't she some kinda drug addict, or something?" 

"Yeah, that's what I've heard from a lot of people. She disappeared for several months and she came back completely delusional. She kept saying stuff about dragons and knights and angels. Poor girl -- she's completely off her rocker." 

"Really? Wow..." 

"And then, after that, her family sent her to some kinda mental institution, or something like that." 

"How CREEPY!" 

"It is... But, I kinda feel sorry for her. She doesn't have any friends at all. They don't want to hang around someone so depressing. Or, at least, that's what Yukari-chan told me." 

"That's sad..." 

"Based on her past and her current condition, I'd give her about a month before she kills herself." 

"You wanna bet 1000 yen on it?" 

"Sure. You're on." 

* * * 

"Kanzaki!" 

Hitomi looked up from the bench she was resting on. Hitomi's whole body had been lying limp a few minutes before and her labored breathing was the only sign that she was alive. Her whole body was tired -- she felt like she was going to pass out at anytime. Reluctantly, the girl pulled herself off the bench. When she stood up, her short, sandy hair clung in wet clumps to a sweat-soaked forehead, and her white t-shirt she used for track clung to her like a second skin. 

Hitomi shuffled slowly over to her track coach, Yamamoto-sensei. Yamamoto was a tall, slim man with cropped, raven-black hair, which had a few, random grey hairs. No one knew exactly how old he was, but Hitomi guessed he was around 30 or 35-- he looked young, yet old at the same time. Most people were fooled into thinking he was a lot younger, despite the grey hairs. Hitomi was sort of fond of him. He had always been firm with her, but also kind. However, Yamamoto-sensei didn't treat her as nicely as other people did -- like she was glass. 

"Doushita no sensei?" What's wrong, sir? Hitomi asked rather softly. 

"I would like to talk with you about school." 

"What do you mean?" Her face was perfectly blank-- it betrayed not a single view into her mind. 

"Well, I'll cut right to it-- your grades suck." Hitomi nodded silently, a lump growing in her throat and her cheeks beginning to flush from a combination of embarrassment and nervousness. She knew what he was going to say next. Hitomi stared down at her white track shoes. Nike, of course. She liked the pretty blue "swooshes" on each shoe. "And you know, I'm sure, that when a track team member's grades get as low as yours..." His voice trailed off. 

Hitomi looked up and smiled sweetly, quietly begging her eyes to not cry. "... They can no longer participate, right?" Yamamoto nodded. Hitomi opened her mouth to tell him she was sorry-- to assure him that she knew it was only fair. But, she said instead, "I... I'll go get my stuff." 

"You know, Kanzaki, you were never my best runner. However, you do have the most heart I've ever seen." Hitomi nodded in thanks and walked slowly back to the bench. As she was collecting her miscellaneous possessions, Hitomi bent over and cried. She wanted so badly for her tears to stop, but they wouldn't. If she hadn't been already soaked with sweat, she was sure her tears would have made her skin wet all over. As her tears grew larger, she felt a cramp in her stomach begin to become more overwhelming until finally, she vomited into the grass behind the bench. Oh God, she kept thinking, Oh God, oh God... I... I... Hitomi continued to violently vomit over and over again until she emptied her stomach and after that, it was an even more painful dry heave. People stopped for a moment by her side to ask if Hitomi was all right. Getting angry, Hitomi only gave them dirty looks or yelled at them to get the hell away. After all, they had only spoken to her out of common courtesy. How can I be okay, Hitomi thought viciously, if I'm puking my damn guts out all over, with tears soaking my face? 

When Hitomi managed to calm down and slow her erratic breathing, she stood up, slung her duffel bag over her shoulder and across her chest, and left without even looking back. Fuck them, she thought. I don't need them-- him. 

* * * 

The minute Hitomi walked into the door, her mother's loud voice assaulted her, piercing her ears. It was painfully cheery. "Okaeri, Hitomi!" Welcome home. 

"Tadaima." Hitomi mumbled. I'm home. After throwing off her shoes, she quickly made her way up the stairs and into the pleasant solitude of her empty room before her mother could be nosy and ask why she was home so early. Hitomi really didn't want to deal with her oblivious mother at the moment. 

The girl rummaged through the top-most drawer of her pine desk. When she found the black, retangular box, she placed it carefull on top of the desk and opened it. From it, she pulled a strip of cloth. Without a blink of hesitation, she tied it above her elbow. She stopped and stared at her arm for a moment. Why, Hitomi thought, do I continue this? Hitomi had been trying to answer that question ever since she started-- soon after her return from Gaea. I felt such a terrible severity of loss and loneliness, her mind whispered. Everything I did and everyone I saw reminded me of him. Van. God, how I loved him! His ferocity, his recklessness, his red-brown eyes, his slender, almost willowy body. I loved it all. And then, I left him. How could I have done that? I was so stupid! I left my happiness on Gaea in the shape of a man. When I came home, I just... didn't know what to do. So I turned to this. 

Hitomi looked blankly into the box. Though she didn't really want to do it, her body screamed for her to do it anyways. If she didn't, her body would retaliate by making her throw up and basically be in a whole lot of pain. Hitomi was addicted and she knew it. With a sigh, she pulled the needle from the black box and . . . 

* * * 

"VAN-SAMAAAAAAAAAA!!" Merle cried as she fell into the strong arms of her best friend and nearly knocked him over the balcony rail he was leaning on. She smiled broadly, her ears perked up and her thick tail swishing estatically back and forth. Van returned her smile, but with somewhat less vigor. Lately, he seemed to be just a bit depressed. Well, actually, he seemed very depressed. However, Van didn't ever let his mental state or emotions interfere with his ability to rule Fanelia. Bad practice, you know. 

"Merle." 

"Van-sama?" 

"Could you... please just let me be alone for a bit?" Merle's feelings were a little hurt. Why won't he talk to me, Merle thought, almost indignantly. I'm his only close friend! However, Merle knew better than to pry into Van's personal emotions. The only thing Merle was very certain of was that Van was probably thinking of a particular sandy-haired, green-eyed girl from the Mystic Moon. With the grace like onlt a cat-girl could achieve, Merle leaped onto the railing of the balcony, off that and into the darkness of the night. 

Van reached into the pocket of his tan pants and pulled out a pendant. Hitomi's pendant. The fabrication of the emotional and spirtual connection between he and Hitomi. He played with it-- he swung it around his hand, fingered the string and stared intently at the jewel. Van then clutched it in his fist and concentrated on the picture of Hitomi in his mind. He did this often and could sometimes get a picture of Hitomi wherever she was, or he sensed what she was feeling. This time, Van got an emotion. A deep and terribly severe sense of loneliness filled his heart and body, rendering all of his body virtually useless. He choked. As he bent over the balcony, he got the sudden urge to throw up, but then, inexplicably, the loneliness left him and was replaced with a sleepy, content feeling. What... What happened to her? Van thought franticaly. What happened to Hitomi!? My Hitomi! Van was so caught up in his own panic that he didn't notice Hitomi's pendant glowing a soft pink and then growing into a fierce, firm red. When Van looked down at it finally, he only had a split-second before he was incased within a familiar white pillar of light. Startled, Van dropped the pendant, which rolled off the lower roof and into the gutter. He screamed and tried to lunge off the balcony to retrieve the only physical memory that he had of Hitomi, but the light wouldn't permit it. It clung to him like a wet towel, glued to his face and body, suffocating him, drowning out all his senses. Before he could scream again, Van was unconcious and his body was forced deeper into the light. 

* * * 

Hitomi was laying on the brink of passing out, drowning in the soft, warm blankets and pillows of her bed. Her body was clam and her mind blissfully content. She would have called it happiness, but it wasn't real; it was a cheap imitation of that emotion she left on Gaea. Hitomi close her eyes and let her light brown hair fall like a curtain across her eyes. Her lips slightly parted, she whispered what she so desperately needed. "Van. Van... Anata ga... suki desu yo ne. Daisuki desu yo." Van. Van... I... I like you. I love you. Suddenly, Hitomi wasn't so content. The familiar feelings of desperation and emptiness flowed into her heart and she almost cried. She curled into a fetal position underneath her covers and rolled over to the right so far that she nearly fell off the bed. She breathed for a few seconds before she moved those last, few inches and hit the floor, hard. The pain from the impact woke her. 

She stumbled out of her room, down the hallway, and into the bathroom. A bath always cleared her mind and helped her to forget. Hitomi fell onto the hard, chilly tile floor, her brain ovewhelmed by the emotions, again. She choked, cried and held her head, begging the damn emotions to go away. Right before she was about to scream, she hear, "Y'alright?" Hitomi sat straight up with her feet underneath her butt and made a loud sound of surprise. Someone was in the tub before her. But... But Mother was downstairs, Father wasn't home yet and her otouto was at soccer practice. Who in the world...? Hitomi looked into the tub -- halfway out of morbid curiousity -- and saw a very naked boy. Or rather, man. It was... VAN?! Hitomi screamed, her high shrill voice carrying across the house and causing her mother to drop what she was doing and go see who had murdered her daughter. 

"Hitomi! Hitomi-chan! What's wrong!?" 

"NANDA!! KORE WA!?" How!! What's this!? Van only stared blankly, innocently at her, not offering any information. 

"Hitomi!" Her mother admonished. "I though something was really wrong!" Hitomi was nearly speechless. 

"But... But what's he doing here!?" 

Hitomi's mother sighed. "You know your brother always takes his bath at 4:00. Why did you think today was any different?" 

Hitomi squeaked, "Brother?!" 

Van grinned. "Nice to see you too, 'sis.'" 

-------------------------   
End Chapter One. 

Author's Note: So how d'ya like? >:D I'm sorry if the specifics about the actual *use* of heroin is inaccurate. If you would like to correct me, I'd be happy to change it. :D Thank you all~ Especially the kind people who gave me advice on my teaser. <3 

Next Chapter: No, no! I swear it's not incest! 


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